This quote came from a page of The Desire Map Journal by Danielle LaPorte. I highly recommend her book, The Desire Map. It helped me understand my core desired feelings so I can guide my life in the ways that make me feel the way I want to. Get to your core and understand your priorities in a whole new way. How we feel is a window to what’s going on inside, but we are taught that some feelings are “good” and some “bad”. Ignore and push away pain, jealousy, anger, fear, and sadness. Only feel happy and positive. Do this not that. Conform. You’re good if only. . .
I’m struggling with my weight and have been for a long time. When I was diagnosed with cancer the first thing I thought was, “I’m going to be sick so I’ll loose weight”. That was a very sick thought established from years of trying to fit into what other people’s phobias were.
The ironic part of my treatment was steroids. I took them for almost 2 years and became bloated. I tried a personal trainer for a few months and not eating much. I walked, stair stepped, and biked my way to only loosing 15 lbs when my boyfriend lost 45 lbs. The stem cell transplant threw me into early menopause which added yet another layer of hormonal crap on the whole issue.
What am I trying to FORCE? The look of being thin and the look of being in control. If I have control over my body then I feel accomplished. How do I want to FEEL about my body? I want to feel connected, feel thin (not bloated), look good in clothes, and to feel healthy. I break it down more – what’s healthy? Feel good about the food I eat, being gentle with myself, moving my body, less restricted, listening more to what my body wants, and less confused.
When I look at how I want to feel instead of how I want to look, I feel the tension leave me and the clarity I want becomes easier to see.
Draw or collage what’s going on inside your body. Take some time to get quiet and “look” inside. Start at the top of your head and scan the inside of your body. What is it telling you? What pictures, images, or words come to mind? Open your eyes and write (without too much thinking) about what you saw, heard, or felt. Now start your drawing or collage. What pictures or images seem “right”? Work without much thought. When you’re done, sit with your project and look at what it’s telling you.
Feeling not forcing – how did it help?