I’m burnt out and for the first time, I’m not resisting it. I’m looking at it. I’m so tired that nothing sounds fun and it’s hard to do anything artistic. But I still have that nagging voice – how could you be burnt out, you aren’t doing anything.
That negative voice makes sweeping and vague accusations. I stop and take inventory of what I am doing: last week I cooked for 3 days to get my boyfriend ready for his hunting trip, made a paper mache crow skull mask for my son’s Halloween costume, I’m writing an art journal workbook with my biz partner, teaching jewelry classes, making examples for the 2 blogs I write, and still forming a business relationship with my partner. Yeah – I’m not doing anything.
What exactly am I “not” doing? Who am I failing? When the inner critic comes out to play (and it’s usually when I’m tired) it reminds me that I’m lazy and I’m using my cancer disability as a crutch. It spouts bullshit and I’m so conditioned to believe it.
I’m going to a Reiki healer and that is really helping with my energy and clarity. I’ve worked toward really looking at the voices in my head and identifying what is true. I am not scared of the negative things that pop up and tell me I’m not good or productive. I sit with those thoughts and talk with them in my journal. I know that all the scary “bad” parts of me just want to be heard.
We all have bits & pieces inside us that just want to be loved. They only know the negative message they got. When we were little there were things we did that we got in trouble for and were told some pretty awful things. “You’re causing trouble, you’re stupid, you talk too much, you’re disturbing others, why did you do such a stupid thing?, get off the couch – you’re so lazy.” As a little child we don’t know how to separate such criticism so we break off that part of our self and push it way down. We all have little hurt pieces of us inside.
They are able to make their way out when we’re tired and burnt out. It is that voice we are so angry at that just wants our love. Identify that voice, talk with it in your journal or art, look inside to find out where it came from. Love will quiet the inner critic and ease the burn out.
Love all the parts of yourself and remember to rest.