How Sneeky the “I Should’s” Can Creep into Your Life

graduation (1 of 1)So here I am with my art therapy professor Janice Havlena when I graduated in 2013. I remember thinking, “Great, now I get to go find an art as therapy job and live my dream.” You know, because that’s what a college graduate does – get a job in the field you went to school for, at least that is what I thought I “should” do.

I’ve blogged about my college journey and how it included being diagnosed with multiple myeloma, getting treatments, and  a stem cell transplant over Christmas break. I was able to take the lessons I was learning in my art therapy classes and apply them directly to my health. I had a wonderful psychology professor who helped me with some emotional stuff I was going through as well.

I did continue my work at the Carbone Cancer Center after my internship there was done and I’ve been working at an Adult Day Center for over a year now so I have brought my knowledge to others. The internal dialog with me some days is this: You can’t work full time because of being disabled now and you haven’t really found a “real” job doing art as therapy so you have wasted all the money you spent on college.

Sculpture (1 of 1)Because of that negative self talk I still feel like I did when I did this self-portrait project for my sculpture class. On the outside I look “normal” but on the inside I still feel scorched by the unplanned path that cancer has pushed me on.

I have always been a what if. . . thinker and today a really good what if hit me. What if I went to college at this time in my life so I was able to go through my cancer with all the help that surrounded me at that time. I know I processed my cancer journey in a way that I wouldn’t have known about if I wasn’t in school at the time. This can be a very viscous cancer and people usually take months to recover from a transplant.

PhotographyThat has really helped me give up my “should” of what my career should look like at this point in my life. I have had the gut feeling that my college experience was something that I needed to do for me. Just maybe, all that money for college was really to help me live through cancer and tell other people how to do that.

We never know all the behind the scenes plans that God/Goddess or the universe puts into place for our well being on this journey we are taking.

So if you think you might have wasted time in this or that place on your journey, stop and think about it another way. What if. . . . .

3 Comments on “How Sneeky the “I Should’s” Can Creep into Your Life

    • Thanx!!! I’m healing and everything is ok – I just can’t work full time & maybe I’m not suppose to. This was the only thing that made me stop & reevaluate. I tend to do way too much.

  1. Life often throws us a few curves. In my case, it’s my sister-in-law’s health issues that are changing our perspective. But supporting her is leading us in directions that will ultimately be good for all of us. Thanks for sharing your perspectives.

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