I am not minimizing the agonizing diagnosis of schizophrenia but I am saying is that no one tell you about all the voices in our head and which ones to listen to. Essentially we all have a society built case of schizophrenia. We are taught to turn our backs on those authentic parts of us in order to follow our family/tribe/mediocre society.
We get jammed into a box listening to our parts all talking at once. What should we do, which way do I go, what should I say, did we just say that?!!?
I spent 40 years trying to be comfortable in the mold of the “good” girl, the quiet one, the model this & that, to stay in boundaries that weren’t mine. Then everything I tried to build around me started to come crashing down. At the time it was a crisis, now I see it was the best thing that happened because I was forced to reevaluate & rebuild my self to my own blue prints.
We start that process by identifying all the different parts of us and weeding out the ones that have been programmed for us. We honor our authentic rebel parts so they grow in confidence. The parts that are scared and hurt need our love and compassion.
How? Well, this takes a lifetime (maybe more) but this is what I do:
Get quiet and listen.
- What voices run through the stillness? Is what they are saying true for me? Is this a recording of old programming? Who’s voice is it? Question your thoughts and choose which ones you’ll listen to. Journal, draw, or collage these parts of you. Even if they aren’t a true part of you, they still need love & understanding to be able to evaporate (some are sticky & stay around).
Choose what you want to believe
- What we believe becomes our truth and it’s how we see our world. I used to believe I wasn’t very smart and that what I thought probably wasn’t right because of layers of programming. It took going to college at 42 to realize that I am very smart and have a lot to offer to this world. I have chosen to believe in the magic of this world and have given up the dogma of small minds.
- Test your beliefs – are they life giving and filled with good energy for you? Do they promote love for you and others? Choose fun, compassion, and love.
- Test your boundaries – we need good strong boundaries to protect our authentic selves. Pause before you say “yes” to anything. Is it going to be healthy to you and others or is there other motives driving your “yes”?
Make a collage of all your parts. Include the good, bad, & ugly. You can’t be real with yourself without getting dirty. I have face some really icky parts of myself and if I’m honest and compassionate with myself it’s not so horrible. It just is. It’s already who we are and ignoring that isn’t going to make it go away.
Getting real takes courage and time. Take baby steps so you don’t become overwhelmed. I’ve spent the last 10 years identifying different parts and I’m not done yet. It gets easier but I probably won’t get done in this life. That’s ok with me – I’m who I am right now and I’m doing the best I can. There will be those who accept that and those who will never stop trying to jam me in their box of issues. Not my monkeys, not my circus.