We all have that voice inside our heads that tell us how crappy our work is or that we aren’t doing enough. What if that part of us is trying to protect us from getting hurt and not just judging us? That part of me tries to protect me from criticism by telling me to keep busy and not to trust my authentic self. It want me to conform instead of being a leader because it was born from the insecurities of someone close to me.
My purpose isn’t to place blame on the person who spawned this part of me who is scared of making mistakes, but to help me understand this part of me. It’s very easy to except those voices (that are programmed by others) and not go deeper into understanding why/how they came to be. Now that I have identified my inner critic, spent time with it, and went deeper to understand it, I can say it’s hold on me is almost gone.
What seems scary or dark inside you are parts that haven’t experienced unconditional love. My inner critic was helped into being from a person that didn’t really have a secure loving childhood. They learned that the world has rigid rules and they were blamed for many things. The only way to gain control in their life was to control others so they wouldn’t be challenged. It came out as angry authority and that caused me to be scared most of the time.
I did try to be what “good” was, but I have a strong desire to be authentic – always have and that got me into a lot of trouble growing up. This was a perfect environment to experience the life lesson of not feeling like I’m enough. This seems to appear in many people’s lives in one way or another. We have to get to the point in knowing that we are enough but were living with those who were struggling with this deep hurt.
I have learned along the way that most personality issues stem from not loving ourselves. There are so many messages in our society today that basically say – don’t value yourself, instead value the opinions of others. Putting other people first seems noble, but it’s just the way we are programed.
How are we really going to know how to love others if we don’t practice on ourselves first?
I thanked that part of me for doing all it could to help me conform, be a people pleaser, and a perfectionist. I don’t need it any more because I am supposed to be a rebel no matter what that brings.
Can you start practicing understanding where your demanding inner critic comes from? Don’t go inside with the mindset of blame, just loving understanding. Write your critical parts love letters when you are ready – it took me years to get here.
With much love, Cathy